This man’s comment connected with a number of other “aha” experiences from throughout the year.

A day or so before Mac went away on sabbatical he was busily clearing off his desk. I happened to be in arm’s reach and received a magazine article that had caught his attention. The title was “Fear of Fallowing, The Specter of a No-Growth World” (Harper’s, 3/08). A no-growth economy! Can you do that? I wondered to myself. Are not economies built on the premise that they only go up? Other “aha” moments have come through reading about the environment and global economy, and great presentations by Geoff Poole, our resident ecologist. These experiences began to connect, and I had the insight that I can choose to stop sustaining my unsustainable lifestyle. In spiritual terms I believe this insight is called conversion!

Up to this point my inner struggle around “things” has gone something like this. My mother handed on to me a belief that scarcity ruled resources, time and money. That was okay till I started getting challenged in my Christian journey on the notion of abundance. Didn’t I know that Jesus wanted me to have abundance? To trust there is plenty? Somehow it came across to me that abundance was mostly about “material things.”

However, this past week I looked up the gospel text on abundance. Jesus, quoted in Luke 10:10, says, “I came that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” Looking closely I am not hearing this is about the abundance of “things” at all. What I hear Jesus expressing is his hope that through him and his teachings, people will find what is important in life and, in doing so, will discover the fullness of life. The sorts of things I think he was talking about are sharing, forgiving, loving, acts of compassion, friends, family, creation, truth and beauty. A relationship with Christ and knowledge of these things will bring abundant life. I am not saying that the material is unimportant. I know enough of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and Christian teachings on justice to know that people need shelter, security, food, and work before they are interested in the above abundance.

The Harper’s article reported results of surveys over the past six decades that found that Americans’ happiness peaked in the 1950s. “It fell five percentage points between 1970 and 1994.…Americans report every imaginable familial and occupational misery regardless of their burgeoning possessions.…The point is not that growth has caused depression and anxiety, only that it didn’t alleviate them. Growth should meet basic needs because these really do create happiness, but beyond that, it fails to deliver.” Richard Rhor, catholic priest and writer, has said abundance means “enough-ness.” What is enough-ness in my life, I ask myself? Nothing like a good question to take from a time of conversion!

As I return ‘home’ after this time of sabbath, I find myself deeply grateful and truly rested. It was a time of rest of body, mind and spirit…..a time of slowing down, and in the words of Parker Palmer (Hidden Wholeness, The Journey Toward An Undivided Life), welcoming my soul. I gave it time to speak its truth in the subtle way it has, and to follow its lead in terms of what it needed from me. This did not mean I was without struggle and disappointment as I mentioned in my first sermon. A 30-day Ignatian retreat I had been planning did not come off for reasons beyond my control, my herniated disc played up in response to my sitting reading and praying, and I developed plantar fascitis from increased exercise! At times I doubted that waiting upon God was all it was cracked up to be and that I might be better served by doing something useful….like learning Hebrew or at least practicing my dimly remembered Greek. Of course those moments fade as I now see the bigger picture and the weaving of Grace throughout this blessed time.

But what did she actually do, they ask? Well I spent whole mornings on our back deck, saying my prayers and contemplating. I went off to my favorite retreat center, Green Bough House of Prayer in Dublin (Georgia) for a week, and found an 8-day Ignatian retreat at Ignatius House here in Atlanta. The funny thing about the Ignatian retreat was that after 5 days of 5 hours each day actually doing Ignatian prayer (lots of going back into the biblical passages using one’s imagination…the smells, the looks, putting oneself in the place of the characters, etc.) I found myself struggling with boredom. Now boredom can be a form of resistance in prayer, but what I learned from some work done on Myers Briggs personalities and prayer is that my preferred way of prayer is not Ignatian (its Augustinian…but that’s another story). Suffice to say there was a certain relief and humbleness as I realized 30 days of the Ignatian way may have just done me in!

I read some books and did book reports for a Spiritual Director’s Program I am meant to have completed. I read some novels and short stories (Kingsolver’s The Bean Trees, Patchett’s Bel Canto, the most recent Number One Ladies Detective Agency novel, and am in the middle of Kingsolver’s Prodigal Summer). Hidden Wholeness and Swamplands of the Soul were books I read for my spirit. I taught myself a new freestyle method, pulled out the 50 year singer sewing machine and mended a few bits and pieces, rested for 4 days on the beach with two friends and went to Ashville for a weekend with a few others. I journaled and worked on my dreams, finished a retablo art piece, assembled some IKEA pieces that have been sitting around for 3 years and hung out with my husband a bit and actually just sat and talked some. I even tried some interesting recipes. That is when I know I am feeling good!

The fruits of this 12 weeks of sabbath, of rest and renewal will emerge further with time. For now I just want to honor the gift they have been to me, God’s faithfulness to me through them and your faithfulness in prayer for me. Thank you all. A special thank you to Mac for his support for me through this gift and his warm welcome back home.

With gratitude and affection,

From reading and discussions with clergy, I have clarified the purpose of a sabbatical …or Sabbath .. and this is a little of what I have learned. Sabbath time is not achievement oriented (I initially thought I would complete 14 book reports I owe as part of a course I am doing). Sabbath time is about rest and renewal. It is doing the things that are effortless for us; about stepping back and seeing the goodness of creation, and delighting in it; about lying fallow and allowing our souls to be restored. What one needs to do to experience this deep rest is different for each person. One clergy person told me that the best part of his sabbatical was sitting with his wife on the porch in the mountains for 3 weeks, just watching their children have fun!

“Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy” – remember – I wish I would! There it is, right up there with prohibitions against murder and stealing and coveting. It is core in our religious heritage, and other religions too. In recent years, the practice of Sabbath has received attention in a number of books, as stress associated with the way we work is becoming overwhelming. One book I read makes the point that the word ‘busy’ has two characters in Chinese: heart and killing. And busy we seek to be; to be busy is to be seen as important, successful, with a meaningful life. Speed and accomplishment, consumption and productivity have become the most valued commodities. “We consume things, people, and information. We do not have time to savor this life, nor to care deeply and gently for ourselves, our loved ones, or our world”. A sort of violence comes into play. “We stay ever busy with a sense that we are hurtling toward something better…. where as Sabbath reminds us we are already on sacred ground”, (from Sabbath, by Wayne Muller).

A year or so ago I was pulled up short in a Christian Century article by a reference to a book called Leisure, The Basis of Culture by German philosopher and Christian, Josef Pieper. His book was first published in 1952 but in 1998 a new edition was published because of its relevance to our times. The title is so … well…counter cultural! Leisure is for the rich who can afford leisure, I think to myself. How can a culture survive if everyone takes leisure seriously! The title also challenges my conflicted sense that somehow being busy is the way I am faithful to God and am worthy of love and respect. Leisure is akin to laziness. I bought the book. Pieper says that leisure is a condition of the soul that is required to be able to perceive the reality of the world. He says that religion can only be born in leisure – a leisure that allows time for the contemplation of the nature of God. My take on what he was saying is that true leisure brings us to a place of wonder, and wonder is the basis for worship. This speaks to that part of me that does come to life if I am able and stop and experience the wonderful sights of nature …and I move to wonder and gratefulness….and God.

My deep hope for this summer is that you too will get to have Sabbath time; maybe a week of Sabbath; maybe a day each week or an hour now and again. The amount of time is important, but maybe the attitude of heart as you enter into the time you have, is just as important. I start my ‘big Sabbath’ on June 11 and return on September 4. Beside the retreat I hope to live days of balance; of prayer and study; physical work and leisure. I will hold you in my heart during this time of rest, as I hope you will hold me.

Beverley+

At a recent eight-day clergy health and renewal retreat, I participated in an exercise of “mindfully eating” lunch. It turned out to be the most powerful experience I have had in years and has become my resolution for the New Year.

The instructor had us choose our lunch from the wonderful buffet and to sit and look at every detail of the food on our plates: the colors, the relationship of one food to the next, the consistencies, the textures. Then we were invited to be thoughtful as we chose our first bite. Which part was attracting us right now? Make a choice and take a fork full. “Breathe in the aromas, really experience them,” she intones. “Place the mouthful in your mouth and slowly experience every flavor. Put down your utensils now and chew each mouthful ten times. Then thoughtfully swallow...and receive...your food.”

It took about 40 minutes to eat my lunch and I had to stop before my plate was empty for I felt completely satisfied and wanted to stop. Along the way I thought I would die from all the restraint I was practicing! But this simple exercise turned out to teach me exactly what I needed to learn. The Clergy Pension Fund, who pays for clergy to attend these workshops, brought in Episcopal leaders from around the nation who are experts in the areas of physical, spiritual, financial and vocational health in church workers. The leaders were excellent presenters, and I learned a lot, but a mindful eating experience turns out to be the transforming moment.

Over the years I have attempted to become mindful as I go about each activity in my life. I thought I was eating mindfully when I was away on a spiritual retreat. I attempt to walk mindfully when I walk the park. What made this experience so different? It was the act of actively and mindfully receiving my lunch into my stomach, which in turn led to me feeling truly satisfied. It has transformed my eating as I realize that even though I am a rather experienced eater and enjoy good food, that I have probably never really received any of the food I have eaten. I realize I have tended to glance at what I am eating with my real attention on what is coming next. I do not want to miss out. My real goal has not been to experience what I have, nor be satisfied...but to consume more.

The thing about this powerful insight is that it is not really about food; it is about much more. It is about a core way I approach life; perhaps about how many of us approach life. We do not take time to truly receive that which is at hand, so are rarely truly satisfied...so we eat more, buy more, want more time, do more.

I have really slowed down with my eating these days…well most of the time. I am simply amazed how little it takes to satisfy me if I am actively mindful. Not quite the resolution of years past — but one that could simply save my life — and perhaps as a member of collective humankind, go a little way toward saving the planet.

Many blessing upon your hopes for the New Year.

Beverley+